Update on My Kids - Part 1

Warning...this is a long blog!

I am sorry that it's taken me a few weeks to write an update on the kids and their first Cochlear Implant, but there is actually great reason for this.

This uncharted road we have been traveling on since September 20th has been physically, mentally and spiritually exhausting, bewildering and stressful. The emotional roller-coaster ride has been insane. Honestly, the last thing I wanted to do was rehash the struggles and be reminded of the tediously slow process we are experiencing.

However, my spirit has been lifted the last few days as I have seen definite improvements in my kids progress as well as their demeanor.

If you remember from my previous blog, activation day was less than exciting for my kiddos. It was not what we or the kids anticipated or ever dreamed of. Not only was it not video worthy, we were looking to get our money back!

And then 24 hours passed.

You would never have convinced me that in just 24 short hours, we would do a complete turn-about and cry with joy instead of weeping from anger and frustration. But that is exactly what happened. Both kids went to the mapping session (fine-tuning) with positive attitudes and great expectations. Even in Victoria's timid state, she did incredibly well. Adam was off the charts with his ability to process sounds in just one day! I was even more flabbergasted when the sound field testing came back at 15 db - I would never have believed it had I not been sitting in the back corner of the sound proof room! I, personally, have a mild hearing loss of 20-25 db, so that means my kids were hearing sounds that I could not hear! Even though these were just sounds and not actual words, my husband and I were still elated!

A week later we embraced yet another three hour mapping appointment where they were reprogrammed (I guess I have little robots in my house now!) and boosted in the volume arena. Victoria's progress is a tad slower than Adam's, so she left with her level on 4 while Adam had his on 6. However, a week later, they were both at 10 -- right where the audiologist wanted them!

Then the speech therapy and listening drills began - at home and at the center. We are listening to 1st and 2nd grade books on tape trying to get their brain retrained and to really focus on listening. We try to name every sound as it happens in the house and draw attention to noises we think they have missed. The hardest part? Repeating ourselves three times before we are allowed to resort to signing. I've signed for 14 years now - I can't believe I'm having to slap my own hands and try to not sign!

So, here is the individual update:

Since Adam's hearing was better than Victoria's for 10 years, his threshold is wider as is his tolerance. He has heard sounds and pitches more clearly and in a different range than she ever has. Which is why he is doing better with the implant than Victoria. He loves it, has embraced it and can't wait for the next surgery on the other ear.

Up until the last year when Adam's hearing plummeted, Victoria had the greater loss. Lower threshold; lower tolerance. She does not relish or accept new challenges with the tenacity that Adam does. She is struggling with being a baby listener. Too many things to listen to and it literally hurts her head. Unfortunately, she has taken the implant off often in the past two weeks. As strange as it is, Victoria hears her heartbeat every evening when we take the implant off. It scared her at first, wondering what the pounding noise was and then it was just plain irritating. We have since found out that this is quite normal and will hopefully fade away as time goes on. Victoria is quite apprehensive about the second surgery.

The surgeon told us that, "Listening is truly an art and very difficult to do. These kids are having to start all over with the patience and tolerance of a teenager instead of a baby." We will get there but it's a much slower process than we ever imagined.

Ok - I said it and I didn't cry! This is what I didn't want to share. These are our struggles and the facts of life for us. However, now it's time to move forward and catch you all up to speed. Enough with the whining - I'm ready to share the honey-sweet good reports!

Yesterday, I read a chapter to the kids while sitting on Victoria's lap. Adam was about 2 feet away and understood every word I said without me signing (that has NEVER happened)! I was sitting on Victoria's lap so that I could point to every word and have her follow along. It was tedious for her but we are doing everything we can to NOT sign. She got it, but it was hard. I keep having to remind her - you have to work at this. It will not come easy, but it will happen.

They are both hearing sounds and/or noises that they've never heard before. Although Victoria is doing a lot of lip reading, my signing has still decreased by at least 50%.

They heard the dryer shut off today.

Victoria heard me sneeze in my room while she was in the kitchen (quite a distance away) and wanted to know what the noise was.

In Adam's guitar lesson this week, I only had to sign ONE sentence! Also, he was moved to the back row so that newer, beginning kids could be in the front (since that means the instructor doesn't have to watch him as closely, that's a compliment!) Adam has only been taking lessons since August, so I'm very proud of him! We have decided that I will be sitting in the hallway next week - we're both ready to cut the proverbial umbilical cord :)

Victoria's speech therapist hugged her and got misty-eyed at her progress last week.

At therapy, Adam talked on the phone while the therapist was in the hallway and heard every sentence she said! Only two more sessions with Adam and he will be dismissed from therapy!

In only two short weeks, they have both done an amazing job of learning how to block out all the loud background noises and focus on the person speaking.

Victoria no longer hears her heartbeat when the implant is off - her brain has learned to just ignore it. When I asked her about it last night, she looked puzzled and had to think about it. "I don't hear anything without my implant - what are you talking about?"
I just had to laugh - she had already forgotten that only last week it was driving her crazy!

I taught science class at co-op this week and Adam understood nearly everything I said.

It dawned on me yesterday that Victoria has not said that everyone is too loud for almost a week!

Even better news...she has not taken off her implant once!

They both went to youth on Wednesday without me - first time in years. I knew Adam would understand almost everything so I asked Victoria what she wanted me to do, since I'm not supposed to be signing. She told me not to come. "I'll be fine. I'll listen as best as I can and try to read his lips." She didn't understand much at all - BUT, at least she tried. That's a huge milestone for her.

The last two weeks, Victoria had embraced her insecurities and somewhat retreated. These past few days, I saw a butterfly emerging. She is strong - she is a Flint!

Adam is bold, outgoing, outspoken and very sure of himself. These character traits have served him well these past few weeks.

I warned you this was going to be a long blog :)

Bottom line...I'm very proud of them both and although the past three weeks have been challenging, I have no regrets. God has been our constant source of strength and comfort. We are trying to seize each moment and to live every hour to the very fullest.

I must sign off for now. In the Update, Part 2 (hopefully this weekend) I want to share what the Lord reminded me of and some special words of encouragement from my friends.

Blessings to you all!

Behind the Appearances

I love this story so much that I just had to copy and post it here:


"I like to cook and fix meals for my husband. Since I was a child I liked to watch my mom preparing meals for us, and enjoyed eating her food. Growing up I didn't do a lot of cooking, but in college I had no other choice, but to start cooking myself. I did, and I enjoyed so much that I started cooking for all my friends. It is such a good feeling when you offer somebody something you cooked with love, and they like it.

One day while preparing the ingredients for a meal, I was fascinated by these extra large potatoes. They seemed so healthy and you would not think for a minute that there might be something wrong with them. I started to peel them, they seem OK, but when I got to the middle of potatoes and they were brown. There were no signs on the outside to warn you that they were rotten inside.

I had to go deeper to remove the bad part and two things came to mind while removing the rotten part. One had to do with my own life and the other with the appearance of human being in general. I felt like God was telling me:” This is how much I had to remove from you; I had to cut deeper, though painful, to remove the filth in your life! I started crying, while recalling some of the painful moments in my life!

Many people live their lives as if they would have it all together, but inside they have a lot of depression, anxiety, hurt, and pain. It seems like we delight in showing off what we don’t have, and like to make people think that everything is just fine with us. God knows us so well, and still loves us and accepts us. Why then, are we afraid to be transparent?

I know one thing that can help us is examining our lives, confessing what is not right and leave it behind. I often heard people trying to excuse bad behaviors instead of dealing with the situation and do something about it. I admit that I struggle with anger, and there is no excuse about it. I need to deal with the issue and solve it. I can't take a pair of scissors, cut out the pages of my Bible that speak about anger, and pretend they are not there. None of us is perfect, but this should determine us not to remain at the same level of growth. By admitting our imperfections and allowing God to change us, we are changing and growing.

I think we can learn some lessons for life even from a rotten potato. Which brings my thoughts to a movie I've seen “Faith Like Potatoes”! An awesome movie that inspired me to have a real faith in spite of what the society or the circumstances tell me. Faith just like a potato, real and touchable."

Eureka!

Surprises at every corner does not even begin to describe our day today.

With a spring in our step, we all marched out the door this morning in great anticipation of what awaited us in the "activation room!"

All of the professionals tried desperately to warn us that they will not hear right away. "It's a slow process." "Their brain will not be able to handle all the sounds right away." "90% of implant patients hate them for the first two weeks."

I explained this to the kids numerous times and then tried to set my own expectation bar very low.

I was unsuccessful in doing this.

I did not expect my daughter to start crying when she heard the first beeping sounds. They were not glassy eyes full of joyfulness but salt water from fear and nervous anticipation. There was no amazing video to show of their first experience hearing our voices. They couldn't hear our voices. It was a little disturbing to hear them both say, "I don't hear anything, but I feel it." They could not make out a single word. Adam's expression was very bewildering - " The sounds are stinging my brain."

The audiologist explained that this was all normal and that their brain actually has to be re-trained. There is mapping that happens on the computer with the implants and mapping that occurs in their brain while they are listening. They really did "hear" but their brain had no idea that these noises were sounds that form words. I know - it sounds crazy! Our heads were spinning as we were trying to swallow these alienated explanations.

Then the speech therapist proved her point. She turned off the vibration mode on her cell phone and set it on the table. When the phone rang, Victoria said she felt it. She was wrong - there was nothing to feel! She heard it but didn't really know she was hearing it! Her brain didn't know it was a phone ringing since she's never heard a phone ring before!

This is where extensive speech therapy and preschool-like games at home come into play. We literally have to treat them like a toddler naming every sound we hear. We've been cautioned against signing so that they can begin to depend on the implants ability to let them hear. Baby listeners they are called! As a friend of mine told me today, "Sometimes you have to work before the blessings come."

So here we are...

Trusting yet nervous

Excited but skeptical

Confused though at peace

Frustrated yet joyful

Believing but doubtful

Can you really feel all of these emotions at the same time with the same event? All I can say is that we did.

So, we have a choice. My husband and I have decided to accept and trust God and then proclaim His incredible blessings. We will NOT confess any negative thoughts or let them take a foothold in our hearts.

So, that is what I put on Facebook - they DO work and I AM thankful for this incredible technology. I must believe that this truly is a tediously slow process and that with time it will get better.

In case you're wondering, this is why I blog. It is my journal. It is how I expressive myself. I truly write just for me. If I happen to have readers, then that is just an extra bonus! I usually open up my heart and let the rawness show. I don't pull any punches and I don't pretend to have it all together. I try not to portray that every trial in my life is a welcoming avenue for character building! However, I do pray that it is :)

I also blog so that I can see where the Lord has brought my family and I. As I did recently, I like to reread some old blogs and chuckle at where I was not so long ago. I love to reminense about a certain event that seemed so catastrophic at the moment yet a minor anthill now!

I am positive that I will look back on this blog 6-12 months from now and not only stand in completely awe of what the Lord has done for my children but also see that what was so perplexing and heart breaking at that time, can bring a joyful smile to my face now.

And The Ears Will Hear!

13 years after our research began, the day has finally come...

Each child has their "suitcase" ready at the front door - it is packed full of adaptors, gadgets, electronic devices, processors, drying units and things I don't even know how to name!Their hair has already grown back quite a bit from the surgery. Is it truly possible that it was just three weeks ago when that tedious and painful day willingingly struck both my children? Time...steady yet uncontrollable.

These strong offspring of mine are phycially and mentally prepared. They understand that they will only begin to hear a little after todays 4-hour appointment. Then a little more on Thursdays 3-hour appointment while the rest of the 22 electrodes are paired up next Tuesday. Our kids, who have "heard" at a 90-110 db loss will actually hear at a 20-30 db loss in just a few short days.

I am in awe even as I type this.

My mind is on overload.

I had trouble living in the real world yesterday. I kept day-dreaming. Complete lack of focus. What now? Will I have to continue to sign? Will they truly be able to have a normal conversation and not shake their heads and smile having no idea what the person actually said? This has been our world for so long, that I really cannot fathom a different way. Only God knows...

I honestly cannot wrap my fingers around the possibilites that are now within arms reach.

For such a time as this....Allen and I have to believe that God, in His infinite wisdom, planned for October 12, 2011. He's not late or too early. I personally believe He is indeed an on-time God! He has ordained our steps and ordered our days!

On the way home from guitar lessons yesterday, Adam was beyond excitement about today's possibilites. He asked me when the next surgery date was for the other ear and why it was so far out from the first surgery. When I explained that the stitches had to heal and then we needed to see what kind of success we will have with this implant before we fully committ to the second surgery, he was flabbergasted! He shouted, "What are you talking about? Of course we're going to have success - 100% success! This will work, mom - I will hear tomorrow!"Out of the mouth of babes... :)

Can You Trust Him?

This was from my Jesus Calling devotional book the other day. Just too good - it has to be for more people than just me!


"When many things seem to be going wrong, trust Me. When your life feels increasingly out of control, thank Me. These are supernatural responses and they can lift you above your circumstances. If you do what comes naturally in the face of difficulties, you may fall prey to negativism. Even a few complaints can set you on a path that is a downward spiral, by darkening your perspective and mind-set. With this attitude controlling, you, complaints flow more and more readily from your mouth. Each one moves you steadily down the slippery spiral. The lower you go, the faster you slide; but it is still possible to apply brakes. Cry out to Me in My Name! Affirm your trust in Me, regardless of how you feel. Thank Me for everything, though this seems unnatural - even irrational. Gradually you will begin to ascend, recovering your lost ground.

When you are back on ground level, you can face your circumstances from a humble perspective. If you choose supernatural responses this time - trusting and thanking Me - you will experience My unfathomable Peace."

But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. Psalm 13:5

Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:20

Are You Addicted to Speed?

Have you noticed how persistent God can be? If He doesn't get through with one avenue, He will try another. I have been hit over the head with a spiritual 2 x 4 before and I really feel that it's happening again. But not just to me. It think it's a world-wide ordeal.

I believe God is trying to get our attention and what He has to say is not new or earth shattering but necessary to hear. I will sum it up in one word.

REST.

It is talked about everywhere. Especially the last two weeks. In Sunday School, we've been talking about honoring the Sabbath and finding time to rest and enjoy your family. Then I see it on a few Facebook statuses - people that aren't in my SS class. Joyce Meyer begins tweeting about resting. Richard Exley emails me a daily devotion and every day for a week, it's been about keeping the Sabbath holy and relaxing. Ann Voskamp has blogged about it three days this week. I'm listening to Cast of Characters audio CD's by Max Lucado and right there in Chapter 2, he slips in how our body needs rest and how crucial family time is.

I don't think we're referring to just some quite time or going to bed early one day a week. I think it's more than that.

I believe we need a life-style change . . . a make-over within our own home.

We finally got the message in our household. I knew I bit off more than I could chew this school year, but didn't' really know how to back out of anything. We only allow our kids to play one sport, but Adam's team called for two practices a week - during the time that I was supposed to be with Victoria at her cheer practice. Then I enrolled in two different co-ops. I know....crazy. But they are both SO beneficial for my kids that I couldn't bear pulling them from either one. And I volunteered to be the treasurer for the Edmond Home School support group. Let's not forget about church three times a week...and, and, the list goes on....

We do rest on Sundays. I do have my morning devotions with the Lord. I strive to take a 20 minute nap almost every weekday and I am in bed before 10:30 pm. But I was still leg-high with barely anytime for recovery or evening family time.

Then my kids had implant surgery and my life completely changed. Adam can't play soccer now - no contact sports. All field trips - cancelled. No school for 4 days while they recuperated. Not exactly how I would suggest you free up some time in your life, but it happens to be our family story. And for that, I am very thankful. It was just enough so that we can now breathe. And God knew that. Our evenings are relaxed now. The board games have come back out and we only leave two nights a week - church and cheer. Whew!

An epidemic. That's what I think is happening. We live in a fast-paced technology-driven, wait-for-no-one society. And it's killing us. We desperately need to catch God's vision for resting - giving our body the break it needs. If we do not take breaks, we will break.

Ann Voskamp is so eloquent with her words. Here is an excerpt from her blog from a few days ago:

"Is there such a thing as a sustainable economy of the soul in this industrial world addicted to speed?...If we refuse Sabbaths of idleness, we construct our own idols. If we refuse rest and think of our work more important to Him than our rest in Him, we make our calling into the golden calf. In the digital era we have lost all sense of seasons. All sense of day and night and on and off and fertility and furlough and idol and God. We wind the world, our bodies, tight and let go and expect to be in motion forever, spun, us watchmakers of our own."

We have to believe that sleep is a daily reminder from God that we are NOT God. In His wisdom, He has ordained these seasons of rest for us to remember who we are . . . the dependent ones.

Another blog stated: "Funny how resting is a discipline for most people, when it should be a welcome relief! If we do not rest, we make ourselves cheap martyrs, victimized by no one but ourselves to our busyness and whirlwind lives."

Resting to you can mean just a break during the day to reflect on anything or nothing. But we also need an entire day set aside to let our bodies rejuvenate.

I was going over all this with my kids last night and looking up scripture verses. Psalms 127:2 says, "...He blessed His beloved with sleep." Did you ever stop to think about God resting on the 7th day? Why did He rest? I mean, seriously, it wasn't because He was tired! It was because He was satisfied. "He saw that it was good and He rested." He did so as an example to us - to show us how life needs to be handled. We are humans, not robots.

A friend once said that she finds herself praying to God more and more to please, give her rest. But I wonder if it's really up to us. Honestly, He gives us ample opportunity for rest, but it's up to us to recognize it and use it wisely.

Ironically, my devotional book "Jesus Calling" posted this scripture verse for the month of October: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Richard Exley's daily devotion yesterday said, "Without the Sabbath, without rest and renewal, we would never have the inner resources to embrace a hurting world. In our weariness we would be tempted to resent the needy with their ever-present claims on us, but renewed by a Sabbath of rest we can embrace them with the love of Christ. Rather than isolating us, the Sabbath restores our spiritual and emotional vitality so we can return to our mission with renewed vision.

Oh, Lord Jesus, restore our souls so we can minister to others. Instead of feeling guilt during the refreshing season, help us learn to embrace the refreshing, resting times.

I honesty just don't see how all these people can be wrong - all at the same time. I think we need to stand alert and pay attention!

So, what will it take for you? Are you ready for some balance in your life? Are you willing to stop the Merry-Go-Round and do what God commands us? If you continue living like this, will you have any regrets two or three years down the road? Are you often sick because your body isn't getting the rest it needs? Will your kids remember that you were always "busy" and never had time to share a movie or play a game with them?

I leave you with these thought-provoking questions. Ultimately, the choice is yours.

Time to end this lengthy blog...after all, my Sunday afternoon nap awaits me :)