I Hate The Day Before

I never really thought this day would embark on my household.

We were totally against this happening 13 years ago but always said that when the time came and the children could make the decision on their own, then we would re-evaluate.

All too soon, the time came. The re-evaluation happened. The children are older, so the research began all over again. A million questions with hopes of having a million answers. Someone put us at ease...please.

We wrestled. We questioned God. We fought the tears. We prayed for healing. Then we let the flood gates open. They don't stop for days. Is this the right choice? Their healing never came.

Their healing never came.

We just wanted our kids to hear - to know what an "f, s or z" sounds like. To hear the birds awaken them with their incredible songs. To hear a dangerous car coming when they are on their bike. To hold a normal conversation with a friend.

If you remember from some of my previous posts, my son, Adam, has a digresive hearing loss. This past March, it plummeted again to the point that he was receiving very little, if any, benefit from his hearing aids. Standing at the fork in the road, we asked Adam what he wanted to do. If he still wanted to hear, then the only viable option was a Cochlear Implant.

State-of-the-art equipment which would give my kids back 80% of their hearing. Maybe this was the way the "healing" was going to come. After all, His ways are not our ways and I have to trust Him completely without ever looking back.

I only need a mustard seed....

I had to take three naps today. Woke up in a grumpy mood with my gut and head hurting. I'm sure most of it was emotionally driven. Not surprisingly, I had to apologize to the kids for my attitude. I just don't want tomorrow to come. I do but I don't. I would rather a Touch from the Masters Hand.

It wasn't until 4:00 pm that I was able to function without pain and a smile on my face. Forgive me, Lord, I know I need to trust You more. Please understand that I'll need an extra dose of that Grace You hand out when they wheel my child away from me tomorrow. The waiting room is such a hard place to be - physically and spiritually.

For now, I rest in His Sovereignty that He is in control and Lord of our lives. I anxiously await the activation session in three weeks to "see" what my kids will hear.As you know, ice cream always makes everything better, so we met Kyle at Braums tonight with our conversation wheel to share some laughter - and a few tears. Since they can't have anything to eat past midnight tonight we wanted the last thing in their mouths to be sweet - just like the mercy and grace of our Lord.

Thank you all for holding our children up in prayer all these years. I covet your prayers tomorrow at 7:30 am as we turn our babies over to a very capable doctor and the Master Healer.